Break the Cycle of Porn Addiction
How does emotional avoidance fuel porn addiction?
Can therapy help me beat my porn addiction?
Therapy can help if…
You have sought porn addiction advice from influencers, podcasters and coaches without seeing real results
Porn overuse prevents you from taking action towards your personal and professional goals
You worry that porn is harming your brain, your health or your relationships
You feel out of control because you use porn more often than you would like and/or for longer than planned
You feel shame about your porn use and have struggled to talk about these concerns with others
You use pornography as a way to avoid feeling your feelings
My approach to treating “porn addiction:”
I am “porn neutral,” I am neither “pro-porn” or “anti-porn.” I don’t judge your porn use and I also don’t judge your desire to quit using porn. Porn use is common and can be a healthy expression of sexual desire. Porn use can also become a problem when:
Use gets in the way of other areas of our life - e.g. missing work or school; avoiding friends, family and romantic relationships; losing motivation for hobbies and self-improvement activities
Our porn use conflicts with our moral or ethical values
Porn becomes our primary coping mechanism and we feel shame, embarrassment or disappointment about our use - this creates a porn-shame loop where our emotion regulation strategy leads to further dysregulation
What does therapy for porn addiction look like?
It is important to identify what function porn use serves in your life. Once we understand this function, we can explore possible alternative behaviors that serve the same needs.
Many self-identified “porn addicts” use porn and masturbation as a way to numb out from their emotions. Strong emotions like anger, sadness and fear can often feel intolerable and porn serves as a way to temporarily break from that unbearable emotional state. Therapy can stop the porn-shame cycle by offering alternative coping strategies for when our emotions feel too intense. Working closely with a therapist allows us to safely express our feelings and recognize that emotions - even intense ones - are a normal, natural part of life and that they can be regulated and tolerated.
Porn addiction therapy has helped past clients achieve:
Freedom from the porn-shame cycle
Greater emotional and sexual intimacy with partners
More confidence and motivation to pursue career, relationship and fitness goals
Greater alignment with personal values
How to reach out:
If you are on this page, you’re probably concerned about your porn use and are looking to change your habits. If you found this page helpful or if you just want to learn more, please schedule a consultation today!
Common questions about porn addiction and overuse
Is porn addiction real?
Not exactly. Researchers are divided, but there generally isn’t evidence that porn affects our brains in the same way as alcohol and other addictive substances (1). However, many people feel that they are “addicted” and believe that porn is a harmful presence in their lives. Research suggests that this porn-related distress is not directly related to frequency or volume of porn use (2). I try to avoid “addiction” language when talking about porn, but I recognize that many people find this language helpful when describing the challenges they have with porn use.
Do I have a porn addiction?
Probably not. There isn’t an agreed upon definition of “pornograpy addiction” and you won’t find that diagnosis in any official medical code. I prefer using terms like “unwanted porn use” or “porn overuse” because I think it more directly describes the problem - there is a behavior and it feels unwanted, compulsive or out-of-control. Whatever language we use, people who struggle with porn overuse are facing some real and serious consequences: supercharged shame and guilt, low self-esteem, emotionally-distant personal relationships and erectile difficulties - to name just a few.
What causes porn addiction?
People use porn for all sorts of reasons. For example, one person might use porn to experience the pleasurable physical sensation of an orgasm while another might use it to explore a new sexual interest. Porn can become problematic when it is used to numb out from unpleasant feelings like sadness, anxiety and shame. Use becomes especially problematic when porn is someone’s only way of soothing his emotions. In these instances, it is easy to become trapped in a porn-shame cycle where porn use starts to feel like an addiction or compulsion.
Does porn addiction cause anxiety and/or depression?
Research shows a correlation between porn use and both anxiety and depression. However, most studies are not able to prove that porn use causes someone to become depressed or anxious. It is just as possible that anxiety and/or depression cause people to seek out and use more porn. Self-identifying as a “porn addict” also correlates with increased anxiety, depression, low-self-worth, shame and isolation (3).
When does porn become a problem?
You are the only person who can really say when porn has become a problem in your life. However, commonly reported concerns include: negative effects on sleep and sexual health/functioning; withdrawal from social experiences; relationship stress, jealousy, emotional distance and decreased intimacy; failure to meet work and school obligations; increased shame and decreased self-worth.
How do I stop a porn addiction?
For some people, just learning that they are not actually “addicted” in a chemical sense and understanding that some porn use can be healthy is enough to break the porn-shame cycle and change their relationship to porn. If porn is someone’s primary or only tool to regulate their emotions, therapy can be a really helpful resource. My process with clients involves learning to notice, tolerate and trust our emotions. When we have more awareness that we are using porn to cope, we have more power to choose another strategy. Once we can practice vulnerability within ourselves, we can channel this towards others as well, resulting in deeper, more supportive personal relationships. Not everyone stops using porn entirely, but regardless of use, they are able to let go of shame and quiet the compulsive, “out-of-control” urge for pornography.
References:
Grubbs, Joshua B., et al. “Pornography problems due to moral incongruence: An integrative model with a systematic review and meta-analysis.” Archives of Sexual Behavior, vol. 48, no. 2, 3 Aug. 2018, pp. 397–415, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1248-x.
Binnie, James, and Paula Reavey. “Problematic pornography use: Narrative review and a preliminary model.” Sexual and Relationship Therapy, vol. 35, no. 2, 24 Nov. 2019, pp. 137–161, https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2019.1694142.
Gibbons, Iesha, et al. “Addressing problematic pornography use in adolescent/young adult males: A literature review and recommendations for Family Therapists.” The American Journal of Family Therapy, vol. 49, no. 1, 19 Nov. 2020, pp. 57–73, https://doi.org/10.1080/01926187.2020.1848481.
